Irken Intamicy
by LadySilvermist
Summary: Hi, I'm Doxy, and I would like to tell you about my time aboard the head Irken Ship: The Massive. This story has a sort of happy/sad ending, and theirs DibxOC, OCxPurple goin on...general nuttiness. SuckFic is Sucky.
1. Infiltration

Red just stared at me, while Purple paced back and forth, a shaking hand pressed to his face. I sat quietly, the mess I was in slowly sinking in. I felt bad and guilty, even though really I hadn't known what I was doing. The guilt stabbed through me even worse when I saw a single pink tear roll down Purples face.

Let me back up and explain. My name is Doxy. At the time frame you've paused on, I'm 17, Human, and in a whole lot of trouble. About a week prior to this, my best friend/boyfriend Dib convinced me to help him infiltrate Irken Elite Invader Zims base. I wasn't hard to convince, as I had always wanted to get close enough to hug the little bugger but anytime I got near him at Skool he ran away. Then again, I suppose if a crazy girl was after me, I'd run away too. But that's not important. What's important is what happened when we got inside the base. Let me tell you the story, ok? It went something like this…

"Doxy! Hurry up!" Dib called over his shoulder at me, making me scowl as I inched along through the air vents.

"Dib I'm going as fast as is humanly possible! I'm squished into an air vent! This isn't easy for someone my height," I huffed. It was true, after all. My 6 foot 1 frame was squished into an air vent that was 3 foot 4, meaning I had to lie down and drag myself along with my arms. It was uncomfortable, but I was doing my best to make Dib happy after The Werewolf Incident, which just so happened to be ENTIRELY my fault. I almost sobbed with relief when we came to a grate in the vents and were able to drop down into the room. I stretched out after I picked myself up off the floor, scowling as I noted once again that I was taller than Dib. It was only a one inch difference, but it was still irksome to know I was taller than my boyfriend.

Dib gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "We made it! Fantastic, I thought for certain GIR had heard us." He trotted off towards what I assumed was an elevator. I followed close behind, slipping into the elevator apprehensively. Dib pressed a button and down we went, until we were spilled out into Zims lab.

"Oooooh…" I wandered around, poking at things. I knew I probably shouldn't, but everything was so amazing.

"Doxy! DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Dib yelped as I poked a particularly colorful button. His shout was too late, a transporter popped up under my feet and, with a yelp, I was beamed into space. When all my molecules reassembled, I found myself on the floor of a large spaceship of some kind. I stood up and heard a gasp. Turning around, I saw a small crowd of Irkens, all staring at me.

"S…so _TALL,_" one of them gasped, gaping at me.

"Heeeeeey, whats going on here?" Came a voice from behind me. I spun around to see two Irkens, each a couple of inches shorter than me, standing there. One had red eyes and a red PAK, the other had purple eyes and a purple PAK. Everything clicked in my brain and I stood stock-still, shock running through my system as all the information Dib had given me on Irkens proved useful by providing an answer to the question of where I was.

"Holy Red-Haired Bespectacled God," I whispered. I was aboard the Massive.


	2. Touching My Hair

I still have no idea how long I stood there, just staring at The Almighty Tallest, before it entered my brain that I ought to say something. They were busy looking back at me with an air of…I would guess it was respect for my height, considering how tall I was. "Um…Greetings, Tallest," I said quietly. I had meant it to come out as a bold diplomats greeting, but considering I was still in a state of shock I think my timidity can be overlooked.

Tallest Red twitched, as if my ability to speak startled him. Purples mouth fell open. "Holy Snacks! You're Tall!" Purple yelped, his already large eyes opening even wider. My knowledge of their species (still courtesy of Dib) told me that his comment was a very high compliment. I blushed.

"Um…Thank you, My Tallest, so are you," I replied. I figured that my best chance of making it out of this situation intact was to be as polite as possible. Dib had told me that Irkens were very dangerous. They didn't look dangerous, but hey, neither do bumblebees.

Tallest Red cleared his throat. "Would…Would you like a snack?" He asked, looking up at my face. One of the smaller Irkens gasped and a murmur ran through the crowd.

"The Tallest offered it a snack…The Tallest like it…Will it take over?...Its Taller than The Tallest!...Did you see, Tallest Red offered it snack!..." The Irkens whispered amongst themselves, fidgeting nervously. I glanced over my shoulder at them, and noted that their antenna laid back and they bowed their heads slightly.

"Yes," I said, smiling politely. "A snack would be wonderful, thank you." Tallest Purple, still staring wide eyed at me, shook himself and seemed to regain his composure somewhat.

"Oh! Snacks! Yes, follow us!" He said, turning and floating out of the room. He rubbed his hands together enthusiastically. "I think we have doughnuts!"

I smiled again and followed, noting how every Irken we passed seemed to stare and twitch their antenna. I tried to look friendly, and so I just kept smiling. Some of them responded positively, looking almost like they had gotten a present, while others looked almost petrified.

We finally reached the snack room and Tallest Purple snapped me out of my musings. He handed me a soda of some kind and a plate of mini-tacos. "Soooooo…whats your name?"

"mmmff…Doxy," I said around a mouthful of mini-tacos. For an alien food, they were really, REALLY good. I took a sip of the soda and the taste nearly knocked me off my feet. It was like Coke but 80 billion times better.

"And you're a human?" Tallest Red asked. I felt a little wary at that, sudden caution overtaking me.

"Yes…" I eyed him suspiciously. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, to be honest I'm curious about humans. I figured you could tell us a bit about you, and we'll tell you about us." Red said. "After all, Zim's not really a reliable source of infor-"

"Zim told us that humans are tall and stupid!" Purple cut in, drawing an annoyed look from Red. "But this one seems smart, I TOLD you Zim was wrong!"

Red sighed in annoyance and facepalmed. "Obviously, Purple, or it wouldn't know how to talk."

"Zim can talk!" Purple replied, affronted.

"Yes, but didn't you see? Doxy became suspicious of us, Zim wouldn't have. It has the capacity to reason and to think, and it's well mannered, which shows intelligence."

"Um…excuse me?" I cut in. "I'm not an 'it'. My species is gendered, you know."

"Oh," Red said. Clearly this was news to him. "Well…what gender are you then?"

"Female," I replied, slightly irritated. I knew there was no way for him to have known, but it was still a bit insulting.

"That explains the long eyelashes and…uh…what _is _that?" Red asked, pointing at my head. It took me a moment to realize he meant my hair.

"Oh…that's my hair," I replied, messing with my bright purple locks self-consciously.

"Hair? Ooooooh, what does it do?" Purple asked, interested.

"It's mostly just for looks…it also keeps us warm in the cold weather, and when males get old their hair falls out," I replied, trying to give them as much information as possible without going into details about keratin and pigments and such.

"Oh, ok," Purple said, his curiosity sated. I turned to Red and pointed to his antenna.

"What are those for?" I asked.

"Hmmm? Oh! My lekku. Well, they hear and smell and…stuff," He replied. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, Purple had snuck up behind me. I felt his hands in my hair and spun around.

"What are you doing?!" I yelped. He quickly put his hands behind his back.

"Uuuuuhhhhh…nothing?" he said sheepishly, an aquamarine blush creeping over his face.

"You were touching my hair! You can't just touch peoples hair when you've only just met them, you have to ask!" I actually wasn't mad, but he had startled me. His lekku lay flat against his skull and his face darkened from aquamarine to dark teal.

Behind me, Red sighed. "Purple, you idiot…"

Purples lower lip trembled slightly, and I instantly felt bad. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad! It's just, on my planet its considered very creepy to just touch someones hair without asking if you haven't known them for a while, it would be like if I just touched your lekku without asking."

His mouth made an O of understanding. "Oh! I get it!" He was all smiles again, heading for the snack bar. Red turned to me, looking exasperated.

"I'm sorry about that. Purple got smacked in the head before his PAK was fully fused to him, he's not quite in step with the rest of us. He's not stupid, he's just…goofy." He shook his head. "If he hadn't grown so tall so quickly, he would have been pegged as a defective and deactivated. Hell, it probably would have happened anyway if I hadn't been there to look after him."

I just shrugged. "On my planet, when someone acts the way Purple acts, we call them 'sweet' and 'naïve'. There are a lot of humans born with something wrong with their brains, but we don't mind, as long as they aren't violent."

Red just looked at me blankly. "Your planet is weird."

I smiled again, for perhaps the millionth time. "So is yours."


	3. Contacting The Dib

After I'd eaten as much as I could hold, we went back to the bridge. Red called a meeting for the crew. "Dirty Short Irkens," He began, earning a giggle from Purple. "This is our new friends, Doxy." I stepped forward and watched the crowd of Irkens who hadn't already seen me react to my height. "We like her, so, you know. Be nice to her or die, and stuff. OKAY BACK TO WORK!" The shorter Irkens scurried back to their respective positions, occasionally looking up at me. I was a little upset by how Red had addressed the shorter Irkens, but I was technically a guest on their ship, so I held my tongue.

Suddenly, the front windshield was obscured by a message. 'Incoming Transmission. Location: Earth', it read. Tallest Purple groaned. The screen fuzzed in and there stood Zim, his disguise cast aside. I stood quietly, willing him not to notice me.

"My Tallest! Exciting news! I have-" he fell silent when he saw me, shock registered on his face. He began flailing his arms wildly. "My Tallest! Get away from her, quickly! Dear Irk, if she touches you, oh the hugs you will suffer! THE AWEFUL HORRID HUGS!" He fell out of his chair and I couldn't stifle a giggle.

"Hi Zim!" I grinned at the screen. Zim hissed at me, his maroon eyes fiery with hatred.

"Doxy-beast! What are you doing aboard the massive?! FILTHY HUMAN!"

"Hey! That's not nice," Purple exclaimed from behind me.

I grinned maliciously at Zim. Oh, you're gonna be mean to me? Well nyah-nyah, your Tallests like me best! "Oh, you know. Making friends with The Tallest. We ate snacks together. That little transporter button in your lab is cool!" I exclaimed. He was furious, I could tell. "Hey, hey call Dib! I want to let him know I'm safe."

"I will NOT call the Dib-stink!" He yelled. Red moved forward to stand next to me.

"Zim, call this…Dib. Let her talk to him. She's going to be here for a while because our transporter is on the fritz, so we're going to do everything we can to make our new friend comfortable." Red glared at Zim disapprovingly.

Zim sighed, his little lekku drooping. I wanted to make that weird oh-my-gawd-a-puppy noise at the sight, but I held it in. "Yes, My Tallest," He said, and slunk off-screen. Red and I waited in silence for a few minutes, while Purple zipped around in the background, humming. After about 10 minutes, we heard a loud banging noise, followed by the sound of Zim yelling at someone. "FILTHY _STOOPID_ EARTH PIG SMELLY! MY TALLEST COMMANDED ME TO BRING YOU HERE, NOW SHUT UP AND FACE THE _**SCREEN**_!" As he yelled the last word, Dib fell into the chair in front of the monitor.

"Oh! Dib! Hi Dib! Hi!'' I squealed and waved. Dibs eyes were huge behind his glasses.

"DOXY?! Oh My God, are you ok? Are you being held captive? Did they experiment on you? DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR ORGANS?!" I rubbed my temples as Dib kept questioning. When he paused to take a breath, I broke in.

"DIB! I'm fine, I promise! The Tallest are very nice and even gave me some snacks." I heard Zim gasp in the background but I ignored him. "I'm going to stay here on the massive until The Tallests send me home, okay? Don't worry about me, I'm perfectly safe I swear."

As expected, Dib threw a fit. "NO! NO YOU SEND DOXY HOME RIGHT NOW! RIGHT FLIPPING NOW!" I waited for him to run out of breath again and resumed talking.

"DIB! Jesus boy…Look, I'll call you every day until they can send me home. The transporter is apparently broken, so I'm stuck here anyways until that gets fixed. Think of it as an intelligence gathering mission, eh? I'll be the secret agent and you can be command center. I swear to call and talk to you every day at 6 o'clock A.M and P.M on the dot, okay?" I smiled at him. He adjusted his glasses, sighing.

"But what if you get hurt?" He looked absolutely terrified at the thought.

"Dib, The Tallests like me," I said, as if that somehow protected me from harm. "It's all going to be fine, I promise you. And I swear on my honor to gather cultural information while I'm here and be both a good agent and a good diplomat for Earth!" I grinned at him, knowing the end of the battle was near. "And when I get home I'll make pizza for Gaz. Pizza so amazing, she won't punch you for three whole days! And I'll never touch another multi-colored button as long as we both shall live!" I was careful not to mention monochrome buttons.

Dib sighed, seeing he had no choice but to let me have my way this time. "Okay…just be careful…"

I smiled up at him. "Always. Well, I need to go, okay? I wanna explore the ship. Love yah, Commander," I grinned. He smiled softly.

"Love yah Agent Doxy. Report in tomorrow at exactly 6 A.M."

I giggled. "Yes, Commander. Agent Doxy signing off!" I saluted smartly, then blew Dib a kiss. He smiled and blew one back, and I hit the disconnect button.

I turned around to find Red smirking at me. "Agent Doxy?" He said, making a 'oh, really' face,

I blushed. "It's just a game to put Dibs mind at ease. He worries too much." I rubbed my hands together. "Let's go look at other parts of the ship! I'm bored!"

Purple zipped past me. "Oh! I know! Let's show her the petting zoo!"

I grinned. "Yeah, Tallest Red, let's look at the petting zoo! I like animals!"

Red sighed. "You two act like smeets…" But he turned and led us to the petting zoo anyway. I spent the rest of the day with Red and Purple, or more accurately, I spent the day with Purple, dragging a grumpy Red behind us. It was, honestly, the best day of my life.


	4. Touching Him and A Bittersweet Ending

After a few days of being aboard the massive and hanging out with The Tallests, Purple apparently decided he knew me well enough to try again with the hair. I was sitting in the room they had prepared for me to sleep in, and Purple peeked his head around the door. "Hey Doxy! Hey!"

"Hey Purple," I grinned and motioned him in. He stood in front of me, looking sheepish.

"Um, you know, I was wondering…now that we're friends and all…can I touch your hair?" He blurted the last bit out, looking very embarrassed. I smiled at him.

"I'll make you a deal. You can touch my hair, if I can touch your lekku," I said. He turned an even darker shade of green as he blushed, but nodded. He sat beside me and ran his ringers through my hair, smiling and making appreciative noises. I reached out and rubbed his lekku gently. They were soft, yet scaly, like a snake, only less creepy. He purred like a cat, and I giggled.

"Hey, Purple, what are you-_oh._" I turned my head to see Red standing in the doorway, smirking. "Well well well."

"Hi Red," I exclaimed, happy to see him. He stood there smirking some more, and I felt compelled to ask, "What are you smirking at?"

"It would seem Purple finally made his…intentions clear."

"Intentions?" I cocked my head to the side questioningly, my hand falling away from Purples lekku. "What intentions?"

Red narrowed his eyes at me. "You know. He likes you, that's why he's touching your hair and letting you touch his lekku. That's how we declare intention to…court, I think is the word in English. We touch each others lekku."

My eyes nearly jumped out of their sockets. "What? Court…you mean DATE?!"

Purple drew back away from me and looked at me. "Whats wrong?" He frowned.

"I, I have a mate!" I said, snatching a universally excepted word. "Dib is my mate! Why do you think I told him I loved him?!"

Red looked slightly panicked as Purple started to shake. "Oh, _triinagass_," he cursed. "Doxy, we don't speak English as a first language! We had no idea that 'love yah' was the same as 'I love you'. We assumed it was a form of military sign off, considering you were pretending to be 'Agent Doxy'!"

Purple got up and started pacing, a hand pressed to his mouth.

"Doxy, this is bad. Once you touch anothers lekku, there are only two options: you get married, or you part ways for good. You only get 72 hours to decide." He sat down heavily, staring at me, while Purple started to cry.

This, of course, is where you came in. I now face a very heavy choice.

"What…what does parting ways for good entail?" I ask, ashamed. I hear Purples sob of hurt and I feel like the worst type of scum. Red frowns disaprovingly, but tells me.

"You would have to leave the ship, go back to your planet. You could never have any sort of contact with Purple ever again." His lekku flatten aggressively, and he glares at me. "That would hurt Purple, you know."

I feel like I'm shrinking under his gaze. I feel even lower than before. I lower my head, feeling my face heat up with shame as tears threaten to spill over. I feel a claw on my shoulder, patting reassuringly, and look back up. Red's looking at me with pity now, his normally stern features soft. "We'll think of something."

"Can…can I call Dib?" I ask him quietly, looking down again. I don't feel like I have the right to look The Tallest in the face at this moment. Red pats my shoulder again and tells me he'll be right back with a portable communicator. I feel a weight on the bed and look up. Purple is staring at me with those wide eyes, his face still wet with pinkish tears. I lower my head again. I can't bring myself to look him in the eye, knowing the damage I've caused this sweet, unsuspecting alien.

"I'm not mad," He says, startling me. I feel a weight on my shoulder and glance over. Purple has lain his head on my shoulder, his lekku laid back against his skull in a show of submission. He nuzzles me like a cat, and I lean my head over on his.

"Oh…am I interrupting something?" Red asks as he peeks into the room.

"No," I mumble, tears threatening again. "Did you bring the comunicator?" He hands it to me wordlessly and grabs purple by the arm, telling him to give me some privacy. I key in Zims communication code and wait. Soon enough, he pops up on the screen.

"Doxy beast, what is the meaning of this?! You are not scheduled to speak to Dib-thing for another 3 hours!" He glares at me angrily.

"I need to speak to him," I whisper hoarsely. "Please go get him."

Zim huffs, but disappears offscreen. 15 minutes later, my boyfriend is dragged onscreen kicking and screaming. When he sees me, he stops. "Doxy? Whats going on?" he asks concern deep in his voice.

"I…"I swallow noisily. "I made a mistake." I explain the situation to him. He has a lot of questions at first, but as the story progresses, he gets more and more quiet. By the time I'm done, he's silent, his face set in a look of fear.

"But…but…You can't marry him, can't leave me! You can't! You're the only one who believes me," he whimpers and I cringe, my guts twisting with guilt. "I need you."

I don't know what to do, what to say. I love Dib, he was my first friend, then my first crush, my first love and first lover. He looks so small on this screen, even smaller under the weight of his fear. I look into his tear filled eyes and find myself repeating the words Tallest Red spoke to me not 30 minutes ago: "We'll think of something." I tell him I love him and we break the connection. I hear a noise and look up, seeing a purple blur through my blurry tears. Purples arms wrap around me and the chamber door shuts.

The next 72 hours pass by me in a blur. I spend every single minute with Purple. We talk and laugh and cry. We get to know each other thoroughly. No one intrudes upon us. He strokes my hair and my face with his lekku and asks me to stay. I tell him each time that I can't. I kiss his face and I hug him, and we share something less than what I have with Dib but far more than friendship.

That was 4 years ago, now. I am happily married, and I have four children, each one beautiful. I hold my husbands hand as our children head off to school. I look out the window of our huge home at the sky. My husband gets my attention and kisses me, passionate and fierce. I love him so very, very much….but some days I look into his eyes and I wish they were purple.


End file.
